Shat Q&A

Shat. Also a name of a band. Some may say it is tasteless, but those people are probably just prudes or Orthodox Christians. Let's face it, not everyone could handle Jeff Wood and his hierarchy of needs: rock music, food, bowel movements, and women. Not in any particular order, I didn't ask.

Although people like to talk about the "fluff" surrounding the band, like the dildos and half nakedness, the band is for those with a sense of humor and want the real deal.

And if you wanna know the whole history of the band, go to this place. Jeff has an interesting story, like getting shot in the head and then getting super powers.

So, I emailed him and asked him some basic questions and he responded very quickly. I guess he doesn't have penis-head's he has to get "OK'd" for stuff like this. By the way, I didn't edit any of this, honestly. I could have spell checked, but it would have taken the fun out of it. The content of his answers are priceless.

Q & A With Jeff Wood of SHAT

1. For all those prudes out there, what is your advice for them 'coming out' of their shells?
WELL FOR YOU PRUDE WOMEN, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR SHELL UNTIL I CAN FIND YOU. THE ONLY VIRGENS LEFT SEEM TO BE 10 YEAR OLDS THESE DAYS. I'LL WAIT. FOR MEN, GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GET OUT THERE. IF YOUR NOT OUT AT THE BARS OR OUT ON THE TOWN YOU ARNT GOING TO MEET WOMAN. IN ORDER TO BE SUCSESSFUL WITH WOMAN YOU MUST APPROACH CHICKS. APPROACH AT LEAST 15 WOMAN A DAY. IF YOU DONT HAVE GAME OR THE GIFT OF GAB, A SIMPLE "HELLO, MY NAME IS...." IS A GREAT START.
THIS MUST ME DONE AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK AND THE MORE YOU DO IT THE BETTER AND MORE SUCSESSFUL YOU WILL BE.

2. Is touring rocking your world?
TOURING ALWAYS DOES. I TRAINED FOR 4 MONTHS FOR THIS TOUR, GOING TO THE GYM, LOOSING WAIT NOT ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO LOOK GOOD FOR ALL THE MINT CHICKS, BEING THAT I'M 90% NAKID ON STAGE - THE DILDOS, BUT ALSO CAUSE I KNEW THAT I WOULDNT BE EATING RIGHT, BE ABLE TO GET TO A GYM EVERYDAY, AND DRINKING EVERY NIGHT WITH MINIMUL SLEEP. BUT THATS O.K. CAUSE THE FUN IM HAVING RIGHT NOW MAKES UP FOR IT AND TRAINING BEFORE TOUR HELPED ME BE IN SHAPE TO BE ABLE TO PARTY LIKE A ROCK STAR AND CONTINUE TO MANAGE LIFE ON THE ROAD, WICH ANT EASY. THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER BEEN OUT WITH SHAT 40 SHOWS IN A ROW, WE HAVE 6 DAYS LEFT AND MY VOICE IS TORN UP SO IT ANGERS ME THAT I CAN SING 100% EVERY NIGHT BUT I DO GIVE A 100% PERFORMANCE THAT MAKES UP FOR IT NO MATTER IF THERE IS 30 PEOPLE OR 350 I STILL PERFORM LIKE I'M PLAYING IN FRONT OF 30,000 PEOPLE.
WHEN I WAS IN DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN I DID 2 AND A HALF MONTHS STREIGHT, THIS YEAR IS SHATS 5 TH YEAR IN A ROW DOING THIS AND I'LL BE DOING IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. AINT BAD FOR A 38 YEAR OLD I WOULD HAVE TO ADD.

3. It is rumored that you are / used to mow lawns for a living. Is this true and if it is, did you have lemonade brought to you?
I DONT MOW LAWNS, JUST MY OWN. I TREAT LAWNS. I WORK AT A TREE/LAWN SERVICE GREENWOOD LAWN AND TREE. I AM IN THE LAWN DEPT. ALL WE DO IS THE SAME LAWN DOCTOR DOES, FERTILIZER, WEED CONTROL, CRABGRASS, DISEASE CONTROL, AERATIONS, ECT. NO CUTTING OR LAND SCAPING. I DRIVE A 4 WHEELED CART THAT PUTS THE STUFF DOWN ALL AT ONCE. ITS COOL TO BE OUTSIDE AND EVEN COOLER I GET LAIED OFF FOR THE SEASON EVERY YEAR FOR 3 MONTHS, COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT, AND GO ON TOUR EVERY YEAR AT THE SAME TIME. UNUMPLOYMENT HAS DIRECT DEPOSITE NOW SO WHEREVER I AM ON THE ROAD I JUST CALL THE # AND THE MONEY GOES INTO MY ACCOUNT, SO I GUESS I CAN THANK THE U.S. GOVERNMENT FOR PLAYING FOR MY TOUR EVERY YEAR EVEN THOW IT THE FUCKING MONEY I EARNED.

4. Now that you lost weight and look way hotter, do you find it easier to get chicks?
GETTING CHICKS IS NEVER EASY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE, HAHAHA.
I HAVE FOUND THAT LOOKING BETTER, I'M ABLE TO HOOK WITH OR AT LEAST LEAST APPROACH 10'S AND ACTUALY GET THEM. IF NOT THEN I'LL WORK MY WAY DOWN BUT AT LEAST IM ABLE TO START AT THE TOP WITH CONVIDENCE BUT TO BE HONEST IF YOU HAVE CONVEDENCE AND ARE A GREAT GIFT OF GAB YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO NAIL 10'S EVEN IF YOUR NOT THE MOST HANDSOME DUDE ON YOUR BLOCK. I HAVE ALSO DECREACED THE # OF FAT PIGS I BANG EVEN THOUGH I FEEL THAT FAT GIRLS NEED LOVE TO. PLUS NOT ONLY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE BUT THEY DONT GET FUCKED THAT OFTEN, SO WHEN THEY DO THERE MORE THAN GENERIOUS.
BUT MY GAME IS AT A HIGH RIGHT NOW SO I HAVE BEEN BANGIN SOME VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, EVEN A FEW STRIPPERS.

5. Was this as fun as you thought it would be?
I MAKE THE BEST OF EVERY SITUATION, FOR AS MUCH FUN THAT COMES WITH THIS PUNK ROCK TOURING SITUATION WHICH IS LIVING IN A VAN AND STAYING AT PEOPLES HOUSES THAT PUT US UP, AND MAKING JUST ENOUGH MONEY TO NOT STARVE, ITS ALSO ALOT OF WORK AND U DEFF HAVE TO HAVE A STRONG MIND AND HEART TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO DO WHAT SHAT DOES AT THE LEVEL WE ARE AT WHICH IS CLOSE TO A TOURING GARAGE BAND. EVERY YEAR DOES GET A BIT BETTER MAKING A FEW MORE DOLLARS A SHOW, HAVING A FEW MORE PEOPLE AT OUR SHOWS, SELLING A FEW MORE C.D.'S, AND ALWAYS CREATING A BUNCH OF NEW FANS AND OF CORSE A FEW HATERS. SHAT CANT PLAY MOST ALL AGES VENUES CAUSE OF THE CONTENT OF OUR SHOW WITH MY ASS AND BALLS OUT AND COVERED IN DILDOS FROM HEAD TO TOE SINGING PORNOGRAPHIC ANTHUMS AS WE DO, BUT ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE THAT PEOPLE CONTINUE TO FIND OUT ABOUT SHAT AND THE CULT FOLLOWING GROWS ENOGH THAT I DONT HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY DAY JOB EVERY MARCH FOR 9 MONTHS AND I CAN ROCK OUT 12 MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR.
SO FUCKING BUY MY C.D. ASSHOLES, SOME TO OUR SHOWS, AND SPREAD THE FUCKING WORD.


NEW SHAT MYSPACE www.myspace.com/shatpunkrock
WEBSITE www.jeffwoodofshat.com
RECORD LABLE www.buddyhead.com