Emo Bikers

It’s the new trend in gayness these days: emo bikers. What is an emo biker, you ask? Well, I will explain these fags right now, thank you. They are a mix of emo, soft core poser punk, rockabilly, and goth, mixed in with a false sense of masculinity when driving a retro style bike. Real bikers look like this:


Emo bikers can be described like this:

1. They might have rockabilly hair. This means they have it greased back like John Travolta in the musical, Grease.
2. They wear a thin, probably pleather jacket, that says, Grease on it. It might have a few studs on it that remind you of soft core Ramones.
3. Everything else resembles that of an emo fag. You know, men who are not masculine enough to be considered men in the traditional sense and they have a lot of sensitive emotions. These guys fight by talking about their feelings and acting like they are gonna do something reeeall tough, but they are pathetic and might pull a plastic gun on you and run down the street like a baby. Or, they will attack you from the back. Or, they will fight a girl because “equal rights means equal fights.” But they think they are hardcore because they can hit a girl. Yeah, dude, you are real hardcore.
4. They are skinny and pale
5. They wear serial killer black rimmed glasses
6. Tight white shirts
7. Tight, straight legged black jeans
8. They have a girlfriend with green hair and a couple of bad tattoos. She thinks she’s hardcore, too, but she’s just an amazon pussy.

Like with most groups of people, there might be one cool dude in this pack, but when it comes down to it, he is over powered by his insecure, superiority complex driven emo fags. Now, when I say ‘fag’ don’t take it personally. I use the term only for straight men who should have been born a woman, yet they haven’t consciously come to terms with it. It has nothing to do with homosexuality.

An emo biker argues like this:

Emo biker: what’s going on here?
Me: I was just wondering what’s up with all the emo bikers nowadays?
Emo biker: Are you calling me emo?
Me: Yeah, my dad is a real biker and they don’t run around like you guys do with your tight black jeans, looking like a fag.
Emo biker: Are one of these guys your boyfriend?
Me: No, these are my homeboys.
Emo biker: well, I think you’re a cunt.
Me: No, I am a bitch and you are a pussy. Why don’t you spread some more hair gel on your hair?
Emo biker: I’m gonna fight you. Equal rights means equal fights.

Okay, that was scary. Let’s move on to his second move. Since he has three of my homboys and one of my home girls surrounding him by this point in time, he eggs on his green haired amazon girlfriend for protection.

Amazon girlfriend: wah wah wah?
Me: You and your fags aren’t worth it.

I walk away. The girl comes up from behind me and pulls my pinky finger. I have my four homies surrounding me and she is still acting like she wants to fight me. If you wanna fight, then you’re gonna do it, not just tug at someone like it’s gonna hurt somebody. I pull her hair and nearly rip her double layered tanks off. I heard the rip and it gave me joy, so I kept ripping until my homie told me to let go. What is more humiliating than going home without a shirt to wear? I have to say, she had a nice bra on though. I can give her that much. So, I walk with my homie to the car and yell across the street, “What you gonna do now, bitch!” We take off and everyone goes home. The emo bikers cry themselves to sleep because they weren’t anywhere to be seen in the scene of the crime. They were peeing their pants and watching it all go down. There was no way that they would be a man and protect the amazon girlfriend. No way. It might mess up their greased up hair.

Basically, the trend of emo bikers is just another cover up reject men, if that’s what you want to call them, you act like they are cool and original. They steal ideas from some cool eras, like punk, rockabilly, rock n roll, and goth. However, you strip them of the bullshit, and they are nothing but a bunch of faggot posers who listen to Radiohead.